I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize