We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize