I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
