They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
