All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
