She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
