She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
