Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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