I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
