So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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