billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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