Don't make out with my wife yet
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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