Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
