I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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