only if we run a train.
done.
even my farts smell like vagina
I want you more than these girls want KFC
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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