Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
