i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
