Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
