We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
