i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
