Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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