Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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