I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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