member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize