dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
