I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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