he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
