i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
