If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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