I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
