dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
