I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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