I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
