Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
