Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
