I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
