dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
