how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
