Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
