I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
