I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
