I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
