I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
