I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
