Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
sex in a hospital.. check
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
