Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
