that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You are the jesus of drinking
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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