is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
