you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
