Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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