I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
