Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
