you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
