I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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