oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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