We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
