I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
