I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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