you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
