DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
