Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
