he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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