dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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