no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
